Thursday, 14 April 2011

If a bricks-and-mortar shop were run like a web-deploy

"Hello, emergency response unit, what is your emergency please?"

"Yes, hello, I'm glad I *finally* got you... you have to do something immediately, it's an emergency"

"Yes sir, please tell me what is the nature of your emergency"

"Welll you see, I was in the middle of taking a customer's order, and they were trying to pay me the money, but then the till drawer got stuck and..."

"I'm sorry, sir, did you say the *till* got stuck?"

"Yes, that's right! The drawer got stuck and wouldn't open, and of course, you know, that means I can't take orders... so I called you and you have to fix it."

"I'm sorry sir, we don't really deal with this level of problem - perhaps if you called your building manager during normal work hours..."

"You fix things that are broken, yes? so fix it!"

"Yes, but you've called the emergency support line, not the..."

"What? I pay for this support service, I know you can fix it... just get it working, it's losing me business!"

" have you tried ringing up the sale first?"


*taptaptap* *kerCHING!*



...later that day... after the building manager arrives

"No, no, I'm sorry but you're just going to have to destroy the entire store and start over.."

"I really don't think that's necessary, it's just a few design issues that we need to sort out..."

"Just a few design issues! This is a total branding failure. The display at the far right of the store isn't showing the products we asked for, this will completely ruin our business!"

"But... you're the ones that are supposed to set those products - we just filled it with some cardboard-cutouts so you'd get the idea of how to use it"

"I don't care - it's not what I expected! I expected it to work properly and it doesn't... I swear, I've been looking at sales, and they aren't as high as they should be and so it *must* be this display putting them off. There's nothing else that will do, you just have to destroy the new store and rebuild the old store for us!"

"What? We can't do that at this stage! Do you know how much work it'd be to tear down this new building and rebuild the old again? Are you going to pay for it?"

"Why should *I* pay for it? You messed up the display!"

Another day...

"That's it, close the doors, no customers are allowed in!"

"What's going on? why are you closing up?"

"It's a disaster! You see this picture here? it should be over there! and it's hanging askew!"

"Askew? I don't see it."

"Look at the other two pictures here... they line up with the edges of the cashier's desks exactly... but this one? Do you see why it's so wrong?"


*looks some more... *

"I'm... really sorry, but I just don't se..."

"I don't believe it. See, does this help?"

*holding up a ruler*... "the third picture is *1cm* over the edge of the desk"

"Oh, I see it now. Yes - we should straighten that up for the next store-refit"

"Next refit!" *shocked look* "It's a disaster! We can't wait until the next refit! It's terribly unprofessional!"

"...but it's scheduled for tomorrow night, and it's not like it's impacting your cashflow..."

"not impacting... !!! ... It's *ruining* our brand-position! How could you have let something like this go out the door! Can't you get *anything* right? the entire design is ruined!!!"

*stunned look*

"OMG! *that's* we we aren't taking any orders, it's all your fault! we're losing business because of this! fix it now!"


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